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Rosie Jones’ Five Best Hotel Hacks For Travelers, Including Getting Your Own Tea Bags

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Staying in hotels seems more glamorous than it actually is. Growing up, I always dreamed of hopping from hotel to hotel, oblivious to the world, leaving a trail of room service bills in my wake. I actually barely order room service. I’m a tight Yorkshire girl through and through, and I normally look at room service charges and wonder, “How much bloody?” and order KFC from Deliveroo instead.

I never order breakfast in bed either. I like the idea, in theory, but having cerebral palsy means “breakfast in bed” would mean a lot of baked beans in my bedding and none in my gob.

I probably stay in about 10 hotels a month – so 120 hotels a year – and let me tell you, that’s a lot of key cards. (Although I try to remember to bring them back when checking out, I never do. I always come home to find one creepily hiding in the back pocket of my jeans.)

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My hotel stays are almost always for work, and this is where I think the problem lies: everyone thinks hotels are a luxury, and a place to lounge, but for me it is. ‘is a feature. It’s a place where I put my suitcase down, wash my pieces and close my eyelids for a few hours before embarking on my next lecture, shoot day or comedy gig, in Grimsby, Nottingham or Timbuk-bloody-tu.

Comedian and author Rosie Jones in 2020 (Photo: Attitude Magazine / Getty)

I am very negative about the old hotel life. I am sorry. In fact, I’ve grown to love hotels over the years, but only because I’ve learned so many lessons along the way – and now I’m going to pass on my sweet wisdom to you, with my top five hotel hacks…

1. The “Do not disturb” sign is invaluable

Come in and put this sign on that door. I can’t tell you how many cleaners have seen my breasts over the years.

2. Bring your own tea bags

Especially if you are staying for a few days: a little comfort at home could enhance your day. Nothing other than Yorkshire Tea will do for me. And if there’s a fridge, don’t settle for that UHT nonsense – treat yourself to a pint of store-bought milk.

3. Remove breakfast

I would much prefer to have an extra half hour in bed. Just because breakfast is included doesn’t mean you have to eat it. Come on, sleep in.

4. Do not touch the minibar

Go to a local store and buy the snacks you really want for a tenth the price. And while you’re at it, a few tinnies.

5. The two-person company

Alright, alright, get that spirit out of the gutter, I’m not talking about hotel sex stuff … although it’s fun, too. I mostly travel on my own for work, but when I can I coach a friend, and oh, it’s fun. Dive into a spa hotel and make friends with the bar staff.

And in case you were wondering, yes, I wrote this article from a hotel room – The Clayton, in Cardiff. I am a huge fan of this place; they have nice free bikes in the rooms.

The incredible Edie Eckhart by Rosie Jones is published by Hachette, at £ 6.99


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